A decent beginner's guide on how to make friends

3stars

Influence Others and Make More Friends: 10 Tips You Wish You Were Knew Before Making More Friends – by Truong Vu – Review

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In terms of originality, I would say that if you have read a lot of books on influence, body language and persuasion (Carnegie, Cialdini, Greene and stuff) then you won't find a lot of new material here.

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Man is a social creature and loneliness sucks. The author puts it quite well: “Having no friends is not a big deal, but striving to get friends and failing in the attempt is something to worry about.” What follows is a list of 11 questions on friendship which every person should ask himself to make sure he is ready for one.

and positives:

a) The book contains solid tips and techniques on how to treat people (treat them the way you want to be treated, as they say, and the ebook more than just elaborates on that maxim); the author also suggests that “you must also keep your opinion to yourself if you are not 100 percent sure about a certain thing”.

b) The author does not promise that the tips included in this book would prove to be quick fix solution for you (“the points that we will discuss here would not straightaway earn friends for you, but they would help in laying a strong foundation towards developing an everlasting friendship with your potential friends”).

c) The author talks about how to handle professional and non-professional relationships (you cannot treat them the same way)

d) One of the things people often struggle with is making friends in a foreign land; luckily, the author offers plenty of tips to build solid friendships in a new neighborhood! It talks about how to respect others and treat them equally, a very good tip indeed that not all foreigners follow, unfortunately.

e) I also found the section on recovering lost friendships quite helpful. The advice that “if you are an egoistic person then you need to drop it for a while and have to approach your lost friends with a very big and welcoming heart.” is quite worthwhile; indeed being egoistic is the surefire way to reducing your friends circle.

f) In the later sections, you will also notice that the author discusses how to be in control of your temper; irascibility and crankiness can be obstacles to building solid friendships. I know because I have been there.

Negatives:

a) The book does not encourage one to be honest and forthcoming; suffice it to say, if you have an opinion which is contrary to that of the other person, you should keep that opinion to yourself, so the author says; now I don’t know about the author but I won’t ever make friendship with someone who cannot respect my opinion, even if it is different; after all, different opinions are what make the world go round. I know plenty of immature people who can’t tolerate someone who calls a spade a spade, but I feel that they are not worth my time or friendship either. I would prefer being with someone who is assertive about his or her opinion but also can appreciate the fact that I may think differently. In a way I don’t actually criticize the author here; he is right that if you want to make friends, especially a lot of friends (the author sums it up quite well in one line “always be neutral when you are among your extended friends circle”) then you should keep your criticisms and complaints to yourself; however, I am someone who focuses on quality rather than quantity (hence my small social circle lol).

b) Also, if you are looking for a dating/relationship guide then this book is not for you. The author says it right at the outset – “Don’t experiment too much when dealing with the opposite sex person. Try to be on the safe side and keep things well within the limits.” While a very ‘safe’ and solid advice for dealing with opposite sex in the workplace (as the author says, stretching a professional relationship with the opposite sex beyond limits often “leads to intimidating relationships and several times harassment cases have been lodged mostly by the females against the male employee”), I would like to test my limits when I am talking with the opposite sex in a more informal environment.

c) In terms of originality, I would say that if you have read a lot of books on influence, body language and persuasion (Carnegie, Cialdini, Greene and stuff) then you won’t find a lot of new material here.

Conclusion: If you are a beginner and lack self-confidence then this book would offer you the kind of push you need to start making friends.

Who is this book for: Your personality matters a lot when it comes to friendship. If you want to make friends, you would need to build an approachable and lovable personality. You need to act like honey so that bees get attracted to you. As the author says “The major reason behind lesser friends or the ability to not influence people is probably because you have certain negative traits in your personality which exist but you are unaware about them”. If you are ready to become an attractive person then this book is surely going to offer you the right direction.

Overall, I found this book to be a mixed bag. I would say that it is worth the low price and suggest that you check it out for yourself.

Conclusion Rating
3 stars

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