Knowing What You Want

If you keep having failed relationships it's time to start to look inward for some answers. You need to take some time out and determine exactly what you want in a relationship.

First, take inventory of all the qualities you would like in a person you are having a relationship with. Divide the qualities into categories such as looks, personality and values. Next, rate these qualities according to how important they are to you. Now is the time to be truthful to yourself and to look deep into yourself to determine what it is you want. Don't automatically rely on what you have liked in the past. Think of the list without judging or attaching a particular aspect to a person you used to date.

As we age we sometimes begin to gain a better understanding of what we want as well as what we don't want in a mate. Take your inventory list and think about the qualities that you just would not be able to live without as well as those that you would not be able to bear. Many people start to find that they have been too narrow in their thinking in the past and need to open themselves up to more possibilities. Try to put less emphasis on looks and highlight real personality traits and morals.

It may be helpful to take your completed list to your friends or family and have them review it. They often see things that you don't and they know you better then anyone does. Have them check your list for accuracy and completeness. Rely on them to help you add to the list or remove things from the list that don't belong. Eventually, you will have a complete list.

Now, take you list to heart. Be open to meeting new people and to spending more time with those that in the past you may not have given a chance. Learn, also when someone is a poor choice for you and don't let the relationship progress. Once you really know what you want it will be easier for you to eliminate those that don't properly fit the list. Review your list often to make sure you keep it in your mind.

Enlist the help of your friends or family to remind you to check your list periodically. Don't let yourself get involved with someone who you know is not going to be right for you. Most of all, don't expect others to change. It is unrealistic to think that someone else may change enough to be a good fit for you. If there are problems that you just can't live with, end the relationship before it goes further.